Friday, July 3, 2009
{ 12:57 AM }
2 Days ago, it was AHSchoir concert.
I will put pictures another day I promised.
Preparing this concert and fulfilling my jobscope, was tough and painful.
But, I'm happy to do so, and I'm willing to do anything for AHSchoir.
Because I know, it's the only family that will never ever forsake or abandon me. Never.
The concert. Ah. Painful but yet memorable.
I would say that this concert is single-handedly (screw the spelling) done by committee 09-10.
Yes, honestly, I do feel angry and sad for some seniors who didnt join us.
And for those who didnt even watch us,
I dunno what to say. Yes I'll rmb u guys definitely, but ur not part of this memory for the concert. No, ur definitely out. Because u guys dont deserve to be in it, simple.
No, I'm not violating anything, its the plain truth. Face the music.
The reason the comm is working so hard, partly because that we want you guys to end ur journey in AHSChoir on a high note.
It would be a beautiful piece of memory, belonged to you guys forever.
Still...ah forget it u know? FORGET IT.
For those who still spared time to practice with us, Thank you all so much.
Especially YingTing and Godwin (never expected myself to say this -.-)
YingTing, u've willingly gave up ur time and energy just to help Eugenia and Hilary with altos, and without you, altos might've crashed. Despite having O levels soon, you still sacrificed everything for us. Thank you so much, ur one of my most respected seniors of all.
Godwin same for you, but its WEIRD saying it so im NOT GONNA SAY IT, its similar with what I said about Yingting. You know, you can say anything about him but one thing you cannot doubt is that he actually cares about AHSchoir. Ah, what can i say? Its godwin -.-
After the concert, which I know it wasn't our best but I naively thought it was still relatively alright,
I went around zi-highing, almost-crying and hugging almost every damned human there,
until Mr.Toh told us that it wasn't good and its quite a badly done concert.
Every song went out of tune.
Ok, the audience doesn't know anything -.-
But I believe its not something we should take for granted.
I'm really guilty and sorry for not realising the harsh fact, I really am
but EVERYBODY. shall LEARN from this. Be a true musician.
What is a musician, truly?
Someone who strives for excellance. Someone who always tries to connect with the music. Someone who will find ways to improve oneself.
By excellance, I do not mean perfection.
As long as you put in ur best, you DID stay focus, and you DID revise your scores well,
Then I do respect you as a musician.
But if you didnt?
Did you revise your scores well to make sure you understand everything?
Did you record what Mr.Toh taught to remember it well?
Did you emphasis on dynamics, tone, and improve your singing?
INITIATIVE. Where is it?
It takes time to truly understand, and I know that, but even paying abit of attention during practices a little too much to ask for? REFLECT.
But honestly, I have little regrets for this concert. Or maybe even none.
Because I gave in all my best, I swore that I WAS focused and I tried. Really hard. Though the outcome wasn't good, this is just SO much i can do. Because if history were to repeat itself, everything of me would still be the same. OK maybe some will disagree but, this is what I've done. 200%.
Me myself, as P.O and as a comm member,
This concert being my first test,
I think for publicizing and ticketing stuffs I've reached the bare minimum expections from everyone, and thank you for all the comments, I will definitely improve myself to be a better P.O.
But discipline wise, I'm sorry that sometimes the word FOCUS and FIRM slipped my mind and I just zi-high alot. But, I CAN and WILL be more focused and firm in the choir and I hope everyone will show me basic respect as a comm member, I'll prove to you that I'm worthy of the position :)
For alto, our section is one of the most disciplined in choir and I'm very proud of you :)
Though musicality wise, we have faltered abit but, you'll improve. Its not a will, its a NEED.
And I'll be with you guys, through thick and thin :) Ah. I've lost and gained trust in so many people through preparing this concert.
I've bonded much with the comm members and the choir itself, and I'm realising that I trust more people now.
It feels good to have such a family always with you :)
But it sucks to know that I've lost trust in some of my friends.
I just wanted you guys to share my moment with me and enjoy our songs which we worked so hard for all of you.
I'm not forcing you guys to come. Begging? maybe abit. I sponsored some money for 5 ppl.
But a few people disappointed me. Alot.
Many people didnt came because their friends didnt come -.- typical reasons. I understand, if i were you i'd consider.
But still, I'm sad la. Ya frankly I'm sad. Really sad. Cause I've got lots of thoughts on my mind, like maybe u would like whatever song, what seats to give you guys blah blah.
And the bubble just burst. Yes I was depressed.
A few lied to me. Abit stupid LOL, like, its so obvious you're lying to me and I can see that -.-
But whatever la. You lied cuz of the previous reasons which I'm not gonna care.
Ya, but something hurt me like no mother.
It's so f-ing painful and hurtful.
Can you imagine friends who've you've known only for half a year can actually be more 'loyal' than friends for 3 yrs?
LOYAL sounds wrong but theres no other words so SCREW IT.
When you said "don't feel like going", do you have any idea how much you've hurt me?
When you actually PROMISED me in the first place?
It's so wtf. I'm f-ing hurt to the core.
I wan to share my moment with people whom I loved. It's only one damn hour. Is it too hard?
I feel betrayed. Seriously.
I've lost trust and respect from you, and I'm very emo. What are friends for?
I would do ANYTHING for you. Would you do the same for me?
Even just coming for one f-ing concert. You wouldn't.
I wanted to say "So forget about me coming to whatever performances ur gonna have."
But because ur my good friend, so I'm pretty sure I'll support you if u have any.
But now theres a big hole in my heart. And you caused it.
Ur forever my good friend, but for now, shyt u. Because u've hurt me way too much.
U shud go reflect before u hurt someone else.
Friends forever? Yeah that's likely -.-
I love AHSChoir forever :)
