Monday, April 6, 2009
{ 8:08 PM }
I'm not going to Chiang Rai.
Final decision.
1) Parents. They are opposing me for the right reasons, and I respect them.
2) The people going. I will only go there and never return because I'll be pissed to my grave. Trust me, go and you will know what I mean. Crows who only know how to complain. HA.
3) The below reason.
I've never felt so selfish of myself this way before. Ever.
What have I done. What have we done. What the heck has gotten us into this place.
I knew we could have been more hardworking. We should have been.
But to suffer in the place of someone I love...is...I don't even know how to express [don't think too far thanks)
It's not like, a mild thing. It's a freaking damnass huge problem. It can kill.
Why suffer it all alone? WHY?
I hate myself for not trying even harder. I hate myself for not remembering all his words during those precious moments he gave up for us.
Where's that diligent and hardworking spirit we once had?
WHERE IS IT?
Where's that ever-determination to work and work and work TILL WE BLEED?
I feel bad for thinking this way but, desperate times calls for desperate thinkings (I know the word is measures)
Because it had driven me to the fact that I'm now thinking alot of weird things.
We only knew today, the hidden things that he has been devoting it to us,
to the fact that we may even cost him his life.
All for who? ALL FOR WHO?
Maybe sacrificing the trip is only a little something I could do.
It's not even sacrificing in the first place.
Love is about sacrifices.
It is ever so tedious and delicate.
Always humble and never boastful.
Today, I finally realised the love I've been receiving for a long, long time.
And tomorrow, I'll make sure I give it back.
Jiayou AHSChoir.
